The bipolar bear

I feel that maybe I should explain where I am coming from. Explain that I have bipolar disorder. I do. I have bipolar type 1, which means that I get lows in form of depressions and highs in form of mania – and then I get mixed episodes and rapid cycles where I either have symptoms of lows and highs at the same time or, in rapid cycles, shift from high to low within a short period of time for instance within a day, days or weeks. 

I have had depressions and manic periods I have had a psychosis and paranoia. It all fucks up the brain. I used to call it a small brain damage before I thought of people with brain damage and stopped in respect (and in the political correctness that I only practise from time to time).

In Denmark, 2-3% of the population develop bipolar during their lifetime (I live in Denmark and that is why I have this statistic).

My psychologist (who it is link to my psychiatrist) have told me that bipolar disorder can be understood at waves. In the middle of these waves is a horizontal, neutral area, which is the “normal” mood. As soon as your mood moves out of the “normal” area, is it a bipolar episode. I like that description. It made me understand the different between emotions and moods.

I used to be a energetic (in my neutral and hypomanic periods) girl, but that has been over and done with for a while. These days I am getting more and more neutral, but I still can’t follow the news, I get stressed if there is more than one other person in the room, I say weird stuff that doesn’t make sense, and I forget dates, places, and what I am saying. I wish it was different. I wish I could find a job and keep it, I wish I could maintain my relationships with my friends, I wish I could volunteer, and I wish I could become neutral.

Over and out.

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