I am unemployed but the job hunt is challenging. It is not because of the economy since it is fine these days with an unemployment rate on 4.2 per cent. It is slightly higher for those with master’s in social science such as me. I am applying for the moment and staying at home to write the required number of applications and more. I must admit that I am getting bored of staying home, and especially because I have problems with my concentration. I just can’t keep focused. Even the fun stuff limited. I simply can’t concentrated to watch a whole film or knit for that long. It is too much for my brain.
What really bothers me though is that I have problem with my memory and I talk gibberish or am inappropriate (but not on purpose) most of the time. And my brain does not seem to work. Even a simple picture analysis is impossible for me at the moment. All this makes me seems unengaged and like I don’t care. But I do. At least about most things.
I would like to blame my drugs and get a new combination because that would be an active solution. A solution where you act. The other solution is the one my doctors prescribe: Wait! What I describe could be left-over symptoms from my depression and the cognitive difficulties that follows. But who knows? I don’t that much is certain.
This makes it so difficult for me to go to a job interview (I tried last week and I sucked!). Even the step before that, job application, is insanely difficult. How do you describe your working competences and your personal qualities when you have just had a depression and your self-esteem is hiding under the floor boards?
The gibberish/inappropriate talk is what from time to time breaks the silence. I am more silent than talking. It didn’t use to be this bad. When I say something I usually comes out wrong. It feels like a curse on my tongue. My brain does not seem to be working. I wish i could do something but maybe I have to sit on my hands and wait if I should listen to the doctors. So I will. And I will make my cognitive exercises. But if you know what I should do I can’t wait to hear from you.
Over and out.