Too much people

Last night we had a meeting in the support group. I wasn’t there. Again. It is not the group’s fault. They are nice and supportive people. I think it might be the format i don’t appreciate: A group of people sits and waits for me to talk about myself. It seems so much more natural to me to shut up (and hide).

Lately I have been to two social gatherings – read: dinners – and one was awful. I couldn’t take any more after two hours but stayed and had problems leaving the house for two days after that (thank God I am not working at the moment). The second went alright. It was closer friends and not a bunch of new people. And I was on Benzos. (PN-meds)

There seems to be a pattern and I want to deal actively with it but I can’t get my head around how. A behavioural remedy. Social gatherings that demands much of me like dinners or parties with new people frighten me even though I most days think I am just fine. That is the conclusion here.

Over and out.

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