Tagged: depression

European Depression Day is coming up

In my town, we are having a small debate about the competitive culture and depression about youth. We have invited a psychologist, social scientist, priest, politician and a student. I swear it is going to be exciting.

Also, if you are in Denmark, you can buy orange sock as part of the national campaign #DepressionSUCKS. You can get it here and it is pretty awesome

I will keep you posted.

Over and out.

Advertisements

A small dance on the table

Imagine the feeling of oxapax (benzos) and red wine. Yeah, that feeling I am having right now. The sound track is Disko Partzani by Shantel. I am having a blast. Right now. The rest of the day was kind of crappy. And where am I going with this? To the point that sometimes every little trick counts. The end in this case does justify the means. That is my opinion in this very second. The drugs brings me away from sadness and growing anxiety. It is worth it – until I can get to speak with my psychiatrist in 11 days. Well, ten and a half.

Don’t use my small trick with the alcohol – just take the morale with you: Use the little things to make you feel better.

Over and out.

If I mention to a job interview that I am ill, I will never get hired.

I never thought about this. I even thought my illness would be a strength when applying for job on projects for people with similar vulnerabilities. I guess not. They will ditch me, it seems. That is a little unfair I think. If I am asked about illnesses at a job interview, how can I tell the truth without waving the job goodbye?

Over and out.

A sick tale

I want to tell you a story. It started with a sick girl. She had a stomach ache for years. She tried anything she could think of in terms of special diets. It made a different but never treated the cause.

This girl had a panic attack in the school canteen. No big deal.

This girl went travelling. Maybe things would be better away from home. But not really. New faces, new structures, new challenges. She stopped eating.

This girl came home. She was exhausted – and thin. No big deal.

She started working. Still thin. Her days went on like in a mist. Unclear. Everyone saw something was wrong.

That was my first depression. I share it with you because I have never said it out loud to anyone. I have never said how sick I was when I was 18.

Thanks for listening. Over and out.

Lazy Sunday

I slowly opened my eyes from my second nap this afternoon. The world was still there. Dammit.

It has been a lazy Sunday. I have taken 1-2 hours naps and there has been nothing else I wanted to do today. I wanted to sleep and sleep the world far away. Also I have cried.

Sleep is a common topic when you are depressed or bipolar, right? Either you sleep to much or too little or you are depended on a strict sleep routine. Sleep matters. I sleep when I am down. I sleep because I am tired, but I also sleep to make the world go away.

I feel better, I think, as the months from my last depression goes by, but I still hit these holes of darkness. Deep holes. This time I think it was provoked by starting a temp job last week. Or drinking beers with friends last night. What ever I did, it was dump.

I am getting tired again. Apparently that is still possible. I will go to bed soon to celebrate that I have been outside the door today – twice.

 

Over and out.

At the career coach again (self-branding)

Last time I went to the career coach I had to fill out a branding map of myself, my personality and values. I learned that that is pretty hard. It is even harder because it didn’t match what I did fill out some years back. And I realise that it might have changed over those years because life changes you, but still.

Last time I did this personal branding/personality test, I was very ‘sociable and pragmatic’, ‘analytical’ and ‘open for change’ for being an introvert. Today I am ‘analytical’ and ‘structured’. Not so open for change anymore (I had a minor break-down at a party last weekend – how is that for flexible and open for change..) I have learned to be structured instead because it suits my mind better.

I want write it of as growing up but I am not sure. I truly hope I am the only one who feels like my personality has changed a little during the disorder?

Over and out.

It is tricky when you love someone with a depression

I have been there. I have been the friend and I have been the depressed. Each role has its challenges. It is hard for everyone.

My story as a friend started years ago and it hasn’t ended. In this time it has changed who the depressed friend is. Each case is individual but I found that in all cases my friend needed me to listen. So I tried. I tried to listen and to be supportive. Before my last depression I didn’t understand that I could have helped them by lifting some of the weight of their shoulders for instance by doing their grocery shopping. I know that now.

I have heard (from an article by a psychiatrist) that it is important to familiarise yourself with the illness, remind that it is only temporary and take the initiative to go and do something. These are things I would have liked to know years ago so I could have been a better friend.

While i exoect understanding of my friends, I am much more demanding when it comes to my family. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must have been (and still is) for them. What I demand of my family is unfair. I expect that they support me, hold me when I cry, and help me with practical stuff. Basically everything. It is not a spoken demand, but the problem is that I simply can’t do it by myself.

I feel with my friends and family but while I’m in the darkness I can’t think of anyone else but me. And even that is too much. I wish I didn’t burden them so much. But my wishes do not do the dishes or clean  at home.

All those tears, all those dishes and dinners and grocery shopping, all those calls on my behalf (I have a hard time making a phone call when i am depressed). My loved ones really work hard. For me. Thank you.

Over and out.